OP, you assume that your wife thinks badly of you for complaining about your mom, but I think if I were her I would probably just wish that your mom had passed instead of mine. A place to get support and advice dealing with mean, nasty, toxic, and / or abusive MILs and moms. I mean please I still have time. Why did she think it fit to tell you? Frankly, I don’t think MIL really earned a repeat slot in the birthing room next time, either. I was a trained mental health peer and would sit with adults in mental health crisis and talk to them like a friend. However most of the time now she is ok with me, well since I had kids. This is where this starts and from all of the stories I’ve read in my time here, this is not going to end well, much like Anakin on fire at the end of Episode 3.
Keep trusting your own instincts, she’s clearly wrong. Have you talked to your wife and asked her what she would prefer? I kind of love the instant Karma of her having to field all of your mother’s phone calls right after, too. And the name isn’t weird, it’s a totally normal name for the record. I thought it was super weird and uncomfortable, but we were zoom broadcasting the whole thing and I didn’t want to make an even bigger scene than she was already making. I felt like the energy was fine. Even if she was right (which i trust your judgement more than her manipulation any day. Does she? this is a very compassionate response, but i would be careful that MIL doesn't use a meeting like this to try to justify any number of reasons that OP's baby name won't do, it must be the one MIL had in mind. Her crocodile tears are happening because you are holding her accountable for her behavior. The tears are her problem. I will say to cut your JYMIL a bit of slack in her actions. Remind her that exposing lo to jnm is essentially signing lo up for all the abuse you experienced as a child. Not shocking especially since what she thought was going to happen got "taken away" by your DHs winning spermie. If she were to say something like this to MIL, then she can ruin a good relationship between the two of them. Believe me when I say that you putting your mother right on how she treats your wife will not upset your wife in any way. I am bad at social situations. That is not okay. I love that you have a JYMIL, but she let her feelings override yours during you delivering.
But still, I wish now I’d proceeded with caution. Not saying No when you want to is people pleasing, plain and simple. You did not have a mom, you had an egg donor.
Take this as a red flag that she is going to challenge your decisions and authority as parents. And just because she's never told anyone about an assault doesn't mean one didn't happen. But even I know that the expected behavior at a gender reveal party or baby shower is to be excited and congratulatory - nothing more and nothing less. They hold secrets because of shame and fear, but they are precious and you'll need someone like them to … MIL and I talked many times about how we should just let Mom think that MIL didn’t go further than the waiting room in delivery. So up until yesterday I thought I had a JYMIL. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Don't back down to make others happy. Nothing will make a narcissistic person’s mask slip like a baby. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Cookies help us deliver our Services. If it'd been me my phone would've been turned off or jnm's number blocked after the first call. Sleep is great for us.
A place to get support and advice dealing with mean, nasty, toxic, and / or abusive MILs and moms. Instead I let his family bulldoze their way into our lives and attempt to entrap us into their toxic ways. Victims of abuse don’t always know they’re victims, they just know that they’re unhappy and are trying to find a way to be happy. Well, now. To my own parents??
A DIL having a baby also challenges a MIL’s control and authority: because now YOU will be The Mother and have authority over what can and can’t be done with your child. If she can't do that, contact needs to be very limited, not just for your wife but for your kids. You’re way too nice because the minute she started on about the name, my reply would have been: “AHT AHT, whose coochie coo is this baby residing in? And then took advantage of you by badgering you into a “yes.” I’m glad everything is fine and smoothed over now, but she took far too much responsibility and took over a special moment for your and your husband. None of that stuff is an excuse for her ugliness towards your wife. She’s actually done you a favor by giving you this warning so you know to be strong and talk to your husband about keeping her in line and maintaining firm boundaries about respecting your authority as parents to decide what is best for YOUR child. If she brings something over without including your wife, pack it up and tell her to take it back. I'm sorry your MIL is being a douchecanoe. Mil was staying at our house taking care of our dog, so she obviously knew. I feel like whenever I complain about my mom, although she does not say it my wife must think at least you still have your mother. My mother is ok to me (most of the time) although she can be a serious problem sometimes. I have no problem standing up to her and have done so many times. So now, next baby JNM is fully planning to be in the room because JYMIL was last time. Up until recently. What the heck, I was so hurt that she would say that. She is the one that is upset, but doesn't want to come out and say it b/c she will look like an asshole. I’m worried about my JYMIL doing something similar if I ever get pregnant again. Seriously what does she think telling you this will do? Stop enabling the constant low level abuse. My DH knew his family ‘weren’t right’, but it took for things to get so much worse before we both recognised they were abusive. I would really appreciate any advice, on how to show I am putting my wife first, but not being horrible to an elderly lady who has no one else?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Now your jy has seen the reality of the situation. If we never have a daughter I will still find joy in my children and I hope you can find that too given they are your grandchildren", As for the name thing it sounds like she wants some form of control in the situation.
If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. To be notified as soon as srock0223 posts an update click ^here. Within 30 seconds of hanging up she’s blowing up my phone with Facetime calls. I'm so sorry she ruined your evening. Day 2 rolls around and I’m in active labor.
Lots and lots of people and they all agree with me," or "So-and-so wants things a certain way" When in reality she might have talked to one or two other people who may or may not have agreed with her, or no one at all and was just saying that to pressure me to doing what she wants while making it seem like it's not her, it's other people.
I’m gonna be brief because I don’t want this to get recognized and I may change some details. Lets focus on the absolute joy MY (dont say our because she will latch on to the 3 parenting idea) baby will bring. It will show her that you have her back. She is good with two of our kids but struggles to connect with the other one. All she has to do is behave decently to your wife, and there will be no reason to confront her. We’ve been close for years. So I brushed it off because hey, she’s been pretty normal and usually super kind (to me, my husband has had issues) in the past. My mom has historically been the strong JN, and I always thought my MIL was amazing. If she can make you homeless, and declare she doesn't want you back if you're "damaged" do you really think she's not capable of doing equally horrifying things to your wife and children? I could maybe understand a momentaneous surprise (and maybe I could understand a bit of disappointment) on the baby not being your preferred gender, but it should be followed by a burst of joy and happiness of having a healthy, loved addition to the family, whatever the gender is. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. And telling you to change the name was ridiculous. I swear I said no, but I was on a ton of pain medicine so I really have no idea what happened.
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